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13 October 2009 @ 02:26 am
life is still insane.
insanely wonderful and God is still mysterious and my heart is still all over the place, focused one second and the next off ..who knows where.
i canNOT sleep. been working 16/17 hour days.. its absurd.

living with steph a the most amazing house in capitol hill, beyond blessed.
seems like ive been taking steps backward in life and faith and learning and i'm hoping this season is over soon butttttttt trying to take it in as is.

i really would love to go to sleep.

lets talk.
the other day i was at this produce stand, and there was a cute man working there. did i need to buy 15$ worth of pumpkins? nope. but did i? yep!
ITS TRICKERY! never ends

anyway, love the fall, today was a beautiful day.
24 December 2008 @ 09:16 pm
oh 2008.

bad decisions after CRAZY KELLY decisions !!!

becoming apathetic about where i am spirtually was/isSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

incredibly draining.

my head honestly just wants to EXPLODE when i sit back and think of this intense passion and fire that used to stormmmmmmm out of my heart and when it become hard to work for i ran and ran and ran and
ran and ran ran and ran ran and ran ran and ran ran and ran ran gosh i ran so far away from it
which has led to inSANITY!!!. day after day andddddddd night after night.

i see His beauty and i can taste it at times and i know its better so much retardedly better but i choose choices that are easier.
better or easier.

2009 oh 2009 please let me suck it up and make it different.

ps the last few months i've been at starbucks i go back to alaska on jan 3 which is great because i'm making -202304312 dollars a month at starbucks.

24 September 2008 @ 09:12 pm
lindy got married, moved out. cathy moved back in.
this time i wont mess up :o)

two weeks ago i got transferred back from the ticket counter to reservations (NOT by choice) ..last week i called in three times, this week another three.. yesterday management called me in, asked me whats going on. i told them i'm miserable and i hate it there. wed is my last day for 3 months ifffffff idont find anything better i'll go back to alaska even though i'm pretty dependent on the flights.

so i'm sort of freaking out cause i dont have another job.
i just wanna make coffee and listen to music all day long.
yikesssssssss. my dreams!

i've realized t9 has made it so i dont know how to spell anymore. so i apologize.
God is distant and i've been running away and this life is insane when i'm not ..obsessed with Him. i dont know why i'm choosing the things i am and its.
a mess.
29 July 2008 @ 12:11 pm
sometimes things just get a little too serious and i think the solution is just to


we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.

i keep thinking this whole "jars of clay" thing.. he cant work with what i've done or got.

.....................dance now?
14 July 2008 @ 11:54 am
sometimes being insane is the funnest thing in the entire world.

08 July 2008 @ 09:12 pm

sweating problem .. i put tissue in my shirt. under my armpit. 
in front of class picture for my training class they told me to get down in front, of course i had to roll around like an idiot and the t paper fell out of my
try to explain THAT 

ok ok so heres the situation..
i think we're all going through a quarter life crisis.
i dont ever want to leave tacoma. then i want to move anywhere. 
i hate the phone but i love the people in it. 
heres the thing with the phone
in person being awkward is so much more comfortable than over the phone. 
i'm so good at being a bad friend. i do hate that. i dont enjoy it. just know that. 

i want to sell my car, i want to quit my job when i'm not there and my pookster bear moved away last week and i'm severly depressed because of her moving. i'm drained from not having passion i dont even have the tinyest.. ((sp..elling...?)) passion to chase after any sort of passion. YI!
and to find ohhh to find the meaning of the cross and UNDERSTAND it and to actually live on "that side" instead of giving sin so MUCH control over my life but not abusing GRACE and understanding i will never be perfect but that doesnt excuse my addictions and temptations and ohhh goodness this can sometimes get so tricky!
and this distance between us.. i dont understand how people can live everyday like this. iiiiiiii

the horror of life sometimes. 

25 May 2008 @ 10:22 am

iiiiiiiiiiii left reservations
and i start at the ticket counter tomorrow
come say hi when you flllllllyyyyyyyy away or into seattle. 

(i told a pilot joke the other day to a pilot.. it goes a little something like this...

"how do you know a pilot is at your party?"

heeeeeeeeeee will TELL you!!!!!!!)


last night i did me some paul simon's you can call me al and will smiths getting jiggy w/it at karoke.. such a white girl. so glorious.
and!! if my callllllculations "serve" me in the "RIGHT" way, my hair will be to my belly button like repunzal by june 15th ...of next year. 

07 May 2008 @ 01:00 am

i cant explain Him 
and its annoying
i wish i could give pieces of my heart away to make you feel this joy
even in the broken
and you know, the "whole"
then you wouldnt really need this explanation.
this life is dedicated to learn how to bring Him the joy. 

i wait upon you now, with my hands released to you
where a little faiths enough to see mountains lift and move.

i still more than anything want to go to hillsong.

05 May 2008 @ 11:58 pm

oh livejournal, 
reading all the posts you've made me do within the past 8 years leaves me a bit embarrased.
its that whole "jars of clay" thing, yeah? 

anyway, with baby kennadi.. baby kennadi is now a booger. cries a TON. i mean, still without a doubt the most adorable thing.. but she most likely could be born with some help from the devil.

12 April 2008 @ 01:52 pm

it could be better.
i mean... you could have "it all together." and youre not really "broken" and you dont really "need Him" and/or you're not really passionate about anything and your childhood was okay ((((or even great!!!)))) and you've never gone without and you have a beautiful house (or bed. or apartment. or car or cat or job or or or whatever) youre satisfied.
now WHERE oh where and how can i tell you that
you dontttttttt NEED to be broken to see that



(......lets and we're redefining christainity!!!.)